My name isn't Dave Rhodes, and I am not a retired attorney, but who cares. I invented a new scheme, which guarantees to work all the time. Use it, and you will never have to work anymore during your entire life. In fact, you will have so many enemies, that nobody ever would consider you for any job of any kind for the rest of your life.

A few years ago, I had a nice job with a good income. I owned a beautiful house with a swimming pool (for birds) and hot and cold running water.

Now I went bankrupt, and was kicked out of my job.

Here is the scheme for archieving the same thing. It works all the time. You can use it too. All you need to do is to follow the following instructions very precisely:

Below you find a a list of ten email addresses. Send the numbers 1 - 5 an email, either containing an offensive message, or a core-dump file. Remove the number one of the list, move the numbers 2 - 9 one place up, and put yourself on number 10. Copy the rest of this message without changing a word. Then send the resulting message to at least 100 email addresses - send it to all your friends you want to get rid of, to your boss, to the systems admistration in your organization, and to lot's of people that you don't know but have their email adress anyhow.

A simple calculation shows what now will happen: you receive at least 1010101010000000000 email messages. This number of messages is so large, that not only it will totally ruin all performance of the systems at the organization that you work, but also it will ensure the collapse of western society as a whole: just calculate the cost of sending all these messages: it is much larger than the deficit of the U.S. Government plus the deficits of all other governments. And all you need to do for this is just to carry out these simple instructions that will not cost you more than one hour of your time! This scheme is the key to your dreams, in case they are nightmares. Be aware, that while other schemes do not work, this scheme actually will!

Here are some letters of people that already participated in this program:

I am John Nemo. I participated in this new enemy making program. It really did work for me. I was a simple programmer at Expensive and Good Software Corporation. After I did send out a mere 120 letters of your program, nothing happened for two weeks. Then a few email messages came in. After another week, so many messages came in, that I couldn't read my email anymore. On the next monday, I saw the systems administrator and my boss talking. The next day, I was fired. Later, I heard that messages kept coming in. A few months later, the company went bankrupt.

John Nemo

Dear not Dave Rhodes,
I always hated it having so many friends. Thanks to your program, I lost them and am now in jail. A good hint to all other participators in this plan is to send a few copies to the FBI or the local police.

`Lonely at last'

List of names:

  1. funnyname@somesite.com
  2. crook@fraud.org
  3. president@whitehouse.gov
  4. jmdeutch@odci.gov
  5. politie@xs4all.nl
  6. jbond@mi6.bss.uk
  7. bgates@microsoft.com
  8. jtkirk@enterprise.fed
  9. drhodes@slums.ny.usa
  10. hansb@cs.uu.nl

Hint: to make this scheme even better, also post the message on every newsgroup and/or BBS you have access to. You'll get many enemies even quicker!

Disclaimer: the above is meant to be a joke. Don't carry out the instructions described above. Of course, you don't have to participate in the plan above to make enemies, participating in another type of chain letter will also work (but perhaps not as good?) :-)
(c) Hans Bodlaender, 1994, 1995.
I still sometimes get emails of people that think that I am serious. Actually, I am not. If you believed that the above is serious, then watch out for people that want to sell you a bridge...

[Dept. of Computer Science] Hans Bodlaender hansb@cs.uu.nl